1. Clipping your fingernails in your cubicle, or anywhere that I can hear that unmistakable sound. It makes my skin crawl. Seriously, who even has a nail clipper at work other nail salon employees? Why can't you take care of that nasty grooming stuff in the privacy of your own bathroom, where I'd never ever have to hear it? Would it be okay if I started shaving my arm pits in my cubicle? No? Then let's keep all those unsightly grooming practices in the bathroom, because each snap of that nail clipper makes me more and more likely to walk over and smack you.
2. Treating the workplace bathroom like a rest area on the New Jersey Turnpike. I'm talking about pee on the seats, toilet seat covers that don't get flushed down, toilets clogged with obscene amounts of paper. Why. Why do you do this.
3. Treating the workplace bathroom like your own personal conference room. NO IT IS NOT OKAY TO HOLD MEETINGS TWO FEET FROM WHERE I'M TRYING TO PEE. Go out into the hall at least, or better yet, GO TO AN ACTUAL CONFERENCE ROOM. Why would you want to talk business over the sound of someone farting, anyway?
4. Brushing your teeth in the bathroom. If you can brush your teeth quickly and without making a lot of unecessary noise, fine. But do you really need to suck violently on your toothbrush, gargle loudly, and take ten minutes to do the job, making noisely along the way that make me gag? Really??
5. Eating in the bathroom. Like, hanging out, leaning on the counter, having a MEAL in the bathroom. I'm sorry if I stare at you like you're a freak, but there is VAPORIZED POO in the air, so you kind of are. Eat at your desk, vaporized-poo-eating freak!
6. Not understanding that travelling in the hallways is the same as driving down the street. When you turn left in your car, do you turn into the left lane? NO. You turn into the RIGHT LANE, because IN AMERICA, WE TRAVEL ON THE RIGHT. God, this one pisses me off so bad, and it happens all the time. I'm walking down the hall, hugging the right hand wall, and when I turn right (still hugging the wall), 9 times out of 10 I almost get clobbered by someone walking in the opposite direction, cutting the corner and turning into my lane. And then, bonus! A lot of the time the other person will look at me like I did something wrong! I WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE, BUDDY. LIKE AN AMERICAN.
7. Walking slowly in the hallway. If I get stuck behind you, I will think murderous thoughts about you.
8. Walking in a group, especially a group of 4 or more people, and walking abreast. YOU ARE TAKING UP THE WHOLE HALLWAY. And if you're an abreast-walking group of slow movers: murderrrrr.
9. Holding meetings across the hallway. Really, it's just as easy for you two to stand facing each other with both of you up against the wall. It's actually not necessary for one person to be standing in the middle of the hallway ten feet from the person they're talking to, so that you block 80% of the hallway with your meeting space. Then everyone else either has to squeeze past the guy in the middle of the hallway, or we have to cross into your meeting space, which means we have to say "excuse me." This kills me. We have to apologize because you're being a hallway-hogging asshole!!
10. Holding meetings right outside my cubicle. News flash: My cubicle walls are about five feet tall. There is a door that I cannot close. I CAN HEAR YOU. REALLY, REALLY WELL. So if you need to have a big long loud meeting with lots and lots of people, how about you take it into the conference room??
With all the bathroom, hallway, and outside-my-cubicle meetings that are going on, WHY IS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO RESERVE A TIME IN A CONFERENCE ROOM??? They're obviously not being used!!
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